Death Doulas

Guidance through the final transition

You have probably heard of a “doula” in the childbirth world. These are people (not medically trained - midwives are medically trained) to help come up with a birth plan, plans for bringing baby home and adjusting to life; providing prenatal, labor and post natal support and planning.

I was reading a fiction book “The Book of Two Ways” by Jodi Picoult and the female character was a death doula. I was fascinated…is this a real thing and what is a “death doula”??

Turns out it IS a real thing. According to the International Doula Life Movement the definition is: “Doula, n. (dou; la); A non-medical professional who provides support to another individual during a time of transition by providing education, information and resources; emotional and holistic care; and physical support.”

A death doula is such a person that offers these services to those who have a terminal condition as they make the transition to exit this world. A death doula can provide education of all that needs to be done in end of life matters, decisions to be made, emotional support as we come to terms with this transition and to help family and friends come to terms with it also, planning services and vigils, helping to create a calm and peaceful environment for clients. When it is hard to face friends and family and talk about emotions, feelings, fears, hopes and dreams about death this is the person to whom you can say those things.

Death doulas are different from hospice as they have no medical treatment and are not there to provide medical services. They may help to make sure you are taking meds but not to prescribe or dispense. These are more mental and emotional support and comfort, which might be just as important as we face the end of our time here. Maybe more important if the medical is no longer helping.

Of course, there are things to think about. There is no regulation or national board to oversee this profession. One can be trained and/or certified to be a death doula but by different organizations. These services are generally not covered by insurance. The costs may vary by the services that you request and the amount of time you want them to spend. They will stay and talk/be support for all the time you want…hospice spends less time with the client in general

I think that I am fascinated by this because it makes sense. We, as humans, generally don’t like to face the end of life…our own or that of our loved ones. I told mom many times over her last 18 months that if she was ready to go that we would all be ok. But I could barely eek that out before crying. It is hard to be supportive of end of life decisions and discussions when we are starting to worry, fear and grieve. To have an unbiased person to talk to and help make decisions and help to think of all of the decisions that have to be made to clean tidy things up for those left behind; someone you can say anything to, might be one of the best gifts to help relieve that anxiety and provide some level of comfort for all involved.

I found out more about this topic listening to “Women in the Middle: Loving Life After 50” podcast with Suzy Rosenstein. In episode 405 Suzy interviewed Marni Blank, who is, among many things, a death doula. It was so interesting; please listen wherever you listen to podcasts:

https://suzyrosenstein.com/podcast/ep-405-less-stress-more-conversations-about-end-of-life-planning-with-marni-blank/

I would love to hear if you have heard of a death doula and what your thoughts are about this option to help at a difficult time with a challenging topic OR if you have had experience with a death doula what were your thoughts on that experience?

Thanks for reading…

Sources:

https://inelda.org/

https://www.internationaldoulalifemovement.com